I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize