so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
