it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
