Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
