I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
