I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
