Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
