u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
