Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize