He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
