I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
