My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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