did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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