I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
