chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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