if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
