You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
