I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
