Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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