And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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