I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
