That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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