I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
