Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
