it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
