I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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