nutella sex= disaster
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
