plz talk dirty to me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
