all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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