at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
