So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
