I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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