Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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