cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
