If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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