My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
