Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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