you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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