she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
