About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
