TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
