I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
