You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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