My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sarcasm needs its own font
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
