Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
