Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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