lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
