What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
