We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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