I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
