He kissed a someone with a penis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize