alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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