If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm too high and old for this...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
