I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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