I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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