Are we in a gay sports bar?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
