get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
