just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
