break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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