one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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