I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
