i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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