She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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