It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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