i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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