We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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