I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
