Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize