Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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