but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
