Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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