so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
