if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
