Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
