ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
