And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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