Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
