They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
