I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
