my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i now understand why vodka
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
