i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
