You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
