so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
