Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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