Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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