I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
