Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When are your genitals available?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
