My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I pour the whiskey from now on
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