Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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