Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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