you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
