I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
