They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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