i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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