its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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