Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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