After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
