In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize