i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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