Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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