I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
