She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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